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aspenflower17 · 4 years ago

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Finding You (Part 16 of ??)

Hello metal husband and readers! Welcome to another update to Finding You! What’s on tap today you ask? Well, just keep reading and find out! New here and don’t want to spoil the story? Just hop on over to Part One through this link, and you can read through!

Word Count: 3,558

Tags for the Tagged: @simpingforsatan @naimena @hachimochi @wrathandgreed @magi-minminxiii @rensphilia @a-dream-at-night @chloelikesobeyme @getbehindme-satan @theuglypugling @oofthelazyweeb @solomonismyman (If you want to be added to my tags list, just say the word down below in a comment or a message, and I will get you added to the list :D)

Trigger warnings: One character’s a total douche, talk of war and death

Mc twirled the pencil she had been sketching with debating if she should ask the question she had been thinking about. Her and Michael were the only ones in the room and no one would be coming in for quite awhile. This was probably the best time she’d get to ask, "Hey, Michael. Can I ask you a question?"

He looked up from his book, "Yes? What is it?"

"Well, I was reading a book the other day, and I came across something odd. It… it was about the Avatar's Fall," Mc couldn't look at Michael, so she just continued, "Eyewitness accounts say there were eight angels that fell that day. So, I was wondering: Was there an eighth angel who fell that day?"

The silence was heavy, threatening to crush Mc. After a long moment, Michael's voice sounded lowly, "And just why were you reading about something like that?"

"Meeting them in person got me curious."

"And you would believe an eyewitness account over the teachings of the Celestial Realm?"

"Well, not necessarily. I just was curious since I'd never heard of there being another angel who Fell."

There was silence, and Mc still couldn't make herself look over, "I suppose just because some of them have paid attention to you makes you think you know all about demons.”

“No, it’s not that.”

“Then what is it then? If you haven’t forgotten, demons will lie about anything. Sinning comes naturally to them. In fact, the seven you keep coming into contact with are the embodiment of some of the most damaging sins. The lower demons are even worse.”

“I just want the most information possible. If there was another angel who fell that day, shouldn’t we tell everyone?”

“You forget your place, Mc. You may have luxuries other angels do not possess, but that does not raise your station. Questioning Father’s teachings. To believe something a demon wrote about another demon-"

"I'm not really questioning. I was just confused because-"

"And now you interrupt me? Just who do you think you are? I am an archangel, and the only reason you've been allowed down here. You are a simple angel that we have allowed to express her talents throughout the three realms. Do not make me wonder if it was the right decision."

Mc flinched at the door closing. Though he hadn't slammed it, nor had he raised his voice, she had felt the waves of displeasure rolling off of him. The threat about sending her back to the Celestial Realm had her really nervous. Before she was aware of what she was doing, the message had been sent.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I could’ve come to the castle.”

“Hmmm… I don’t think that would be for the best right now.”

Satan cocked his head, “Did something happen?”

“Kind of. Anyway, thanks for meeting me here.”

“Of course. Is there anything in particular you’d like to do?”

“Well, I kinda thought, since I have an invitation and all, that you could show me around the House of Lamentation.”

“I… I mean, if you want to. I’m warning you now, it’s almost never calm there. My brothers are… a handful.”

“Sounds great!”

Satan looked over in shock, “Seriously?”

Mc nodded her head, “I grew up with calm. I want some excitement.”

“Well, be careful what you wish for.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

“GIVE ME BACK MY LIMITED DIAMOND EDITION SUCREY FRENZY SIGNED POSTER MAMMON! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT’S WORTH!”

“Course I know what it’s worth! Why’d ya think I took it in the firs’ place?”

“SO YOU DID TAKE IT!!!”

“Oh. Whoops! Forget I said anythin’.”

“MAMMON!”

A blur of demon shot past Mc and Satan. All Mc could make out was white and brown, before Leviathan went past, considerably slower than Mammon, but still fast for a demon. At least, Mc thought it might be Leviathan. The shy purple haired demon was now in all black, with black horns and a snake-like tail. He also looked like he was going to rip apart his brother.

Satan sighed, continuing forward, hands in his pockets, “Welcome to the House of Lamentation.”

“Shouldn’t we do something?”

“Hmm? Oh, about them? I wouldn’t worry about it.”

“Ah. I see…”

“We should probably get you out of the immediate vicinity though. There’s no telling what those two idiots might do.”

“Where should we go then?”

“Hmmm… Well, since we’re close, I guess we could start with the kitchen.”

“Sounds good to me!”

As they walked, Mc looked around her. Though the decorations were both a tad macabre and extremely grand, she found herself… comfortable. The candle light cast everything in an almost cheery glow, and the atmosphere, while a little daunting, made her feel like she was…

“... Home.”

Satan stopped dead in his tracks, and turned slowly towards her, “W-wait… Hwat did you say?”

“Oh, did I say that outloud? Sorry. That probably sounded really weird,” when Satan didn’t answer, Mc continued a bit awkwardly, “It’s just… This is the most comfortable I’ve been in a brand new place in a long time. I thought maybe my attraction to the Devildom was just because of how novel it all is to an angel. But… Being in this house, it just makes everything feel more like… Home,” Mc looked up to see Satan looking at her with a very tender but sad look, “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah. Let’s keep going.”

When they got to the kitchen, Belphegor and Beelzebub were there, former hiding his head in his arms and the latter consuming a concerning amount of food in a very short time. He stopped when Satan and Mc entered the room.

“Burfy! Wrok hus herr!”

“Hmmm? What? Who is it?”

“Ots Emm Fee!”

Belphegor lifted his head tiredly, but smiled when he saw Satan and Mc, “So, you took us up on the invitation?”

“Yup. Satan’s showing me around.”

“Do you guys want some food?” Beelzebub asked, mouth cleared for a second.

“Well, I-"

"Here. You can have this," Beel said, grabbing her hand and dropping what looked to be a kind of sweet bun in it. He gazed at it for a second then looked at her and grinned before walking back to his food pile.

"You should eat it," Satan said quietly, " He doesn't share his food with just anybody."

"Oh. Okay," Mc said, looking at the sweet. She took a small bite and then her eyes grew wide before eating the whole thing.

"Thought you'd like it," the Avatar of Gluttony smiled.

"It was absolutely delicious! What was it?"

"An orange roll. It's a human word treat."

"I'm going to have to have Luke make it later."

"Did he come with you?" Beel's eyes were shining.

"Ummm… Not this time."

"Oh."

"I'll make sure to let him know next time I'm coming."

"Please do," Beel said, smiling again.

"Well, I'm going to continue our tour if that's alright."

"Yes, please do," Mc smiled, turning back to him.

"Have fun you two," Belphie said, dropping his head back onto his arm.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mc and Satan progressed through the house. The feeling of familiarity just kept growing as they went. There was a room off the kitchen that Mc felt very drawn to. Satan said it was just an unused bedroom, nothing of note, but it did nothing to curb her interest. In fact, it made her want to see what was inside even more.

When they got to the library, they had to stop because Mc was so excited. No matter how many library’s she saw, personal or otherwise, they never failed to excite her. The fact it was the personal library of the Fallen was not lost on her.

“Do you want to stop here for a bit?” Satan chuckled.

Mc turned to him with wide eyes, “Can we?”

“Of course. Spending time with books is always time well spent. Anything in particular you’d like to look for?”

“Ummm… Do you just want to give me a tour?”

“Of the library?... Hmm… I suppose I could do that. Lucifer does like it organized a certain way. And, of course, if there’s a book that catches your eye, all you have to do is say the word and we can stop to read.”

“Oh, that’s what you’re really after,” Mc teased.

“Well, can you blame me? Reading with someone in companionable silence is one of life’s greatest joys.”

“Well, I suppose it is nice to just sit and read with Sim, though he’s probably the only one I’ve read with.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Most other angels don’t just sit and read very often. Unless it’s scripture.”

“Sounds about right,” Satan said, rolling his eyes and starting to climb the stairs that lead to the second story of the library.

The “certain way” Lucifer liked the books to be organized was by genre, then alphabetically by author.If an author had multiple books, they were to be then sorted alphabetically by title, any series sorted by the first book’s title then in order. Many of the books were old though in impeccable condition. Mc was impressed by the breadth of selection available, and she could sense some spacial magic at work which housed more books than what was visible to the naked eye. While browsing, Mc found a book that looked interesting, and carried it until the tour was over. Satan happened to have a book in a hidden pocket in his jacket so they decided to sit and read awhile. Instead of the ground floor, Satan knew of a little nook on the second story which had a cushioned window seat and two plush reading chairs, so they went and sat there.

Though the story was interesting, she just couldn’t get into the book she’d grabbed. Her mind kept wandering back to her earlier conversation with Michael. She didn’t know how she could have brought up the subject in a way where he wouldn’t have gotten so upset with her. He’d reprimanded her before, but never had he been so dismissive and final about it.

“Are you alright?” Satan’s voice cut through her thoughts. She looked over to see him watching her.

She suddenly felt embarrassed, and averted her eyes, “It’s… Well, I got reprimanded by Michael.”

“Why?”

So Mc told him about her search for information, how Barbatos had told her to ask Michael and his rebuke. When she finished, Satan’s face was impossible to read. He was silent for long enough, she was concerned she had offended him somehow. Finally he spoke, “Lilith. Her name was Lilith. If you want some answers about what happened, I think Lucifer would be the best person to give them to you. I would suggest Beel, but he has enough trauma about what happened as it is. I don’t even know if he remembers, or if he’s blocked it…”

“Blocked what?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Satan knocked on a bookshelf on the ground floor. A deep voice sounded from behind it, “Enter.” At the word, the bookshelf sung open to reveal a secret room. Despite wondering what was going on, Mc was both delighted and intrigued.

“You guys actually have a secret room behind a bookcase?!”

Satan shrugged, “Yeah. The house has a lot more secrets too. It would’ve been my room had I not lost a bet with Lucifer. Now it’s his office,” and with that, he walked in.

The whole room was a lot cozier than Mc would’ve expected. Austere and imposing yes, but there was a level of warmth and comfort to the room Mc would never have expected.

“Satan, what is it?” Lucifer sat at his desk, quill scratching across some paperwork. He hadn’t looked up.

“Mc has a question for you.”

This got him to look up, “Ah Mc. How can I help you?”

“Oh, if I’m interrupting something I can come back later.”

“I could use a break anyway. Please continue,” Lucifer sat there expectantly.

“Okay. Umm…” the memory of Michael flashed through Mc’s mind, and she winced a bit, but continued on with her story. Lucifer’s eyes darkened the further into the story she got. When she got to Michael’s chastisement, Lucifer got up from his chair abruptly, and went over to his window, back to Satan and Mc. Mc faltered in her story, watching as his clothes changed, horns pushing up and out from his head.

“I told her you’d be the one to ask,” Satan intervened, coming to stand behind Mc.

“Why? You know everything. You were there,” Lucifer asked, back still turned.

“You know the whole story,” Satan shrugged, eyes on the black clad figure.

Lucifer was silent and unmoving for quite awhile. Mc’s tension was on high alert for quite awhile, not seeing the horns retreating, until he finally spoke, “Before I begin, I feel I must warn you. You are going to hear things you probably won’t like or agree with. You are not to interrupt me. There will be a chance for me to answer your questions at the end, but only at the end. I will not explain my actions. The only person I answer to is Lord Diavolo. Whether you believe them correct or not, I am not embellishing the truth nor am I trying to hide from it. Knowing all of that, do you want me to continue?”

“... Yes. I would like to know the truth,” Mc answered confidently, though the fact he was still angry put her on edge. She knew he wasn’t angry at her at least.

The eldest, having calmed down enough to revert out of his demon form, came over and sat behind his desk. Satan came and sat next to her, earning a look from Lucifer, “You’re going to stay?”

“She is my guest.”

Lucifer raised his eyebrows, but said nothing, turning his attention back to Mc, “Have you heard about the Great Celestial War?” Mc nodded, and he continued, “No doubt you’ve heard their version of what happened. Probably talks about me and my brothers rampaging around the Celestial Realm until they finally cast us out?” Lucifer looked to her for confirmation.

“More or less,” Mc conceded.

“I am sure they make me out to be a villain in every way?”

“They say before you became angry, you were the model angel.”

“That is… interesting to know. Thank you for that. Now, where to begin?... Do you know anything about our sister?” Mc shook her head no, and Lucifer sighed angrily, “To think they just… Lilith came into my little makeshift family with Beel and Belphie. They were almost triplets in a sense of the word. Beel was the sun, Belphie the moon and Lilith the stars, though I would argue she shined the most brightly out of them. She was... angelic. They should really point to her as the model angel. She was everything an angel should and could be. Though they were all very close, once Beel made himself my bodyguard, Belphie and Lilith spent a lot of time together. Belphie had a habit of going off the the human realm whenever he could, which was not seen as a good thing, though he knew how to keep himself unattached to the humans he happened to meet, so no one could really do much more than grumble. That is, until Lilith started going down him.

Her heart was so pure and full of love, she ended up falling in love with one of the humans she met. Belphie tried to talk her out of it, but it was no use. When the rumors started, I asked both of them what was going on. From what they both said, it was love at first sight. Though I was furious, I went down myself to meet the man in question, and found myself unable to criticize her. He was everything I could have wanted for my sister.

Unfortunately, he was mortal and he came down with a serious illness. Lilith was devastated. We all tried to tell her this was a good thing. He was a good enough person he would probably join us in the Celestial Realm. I even spoke with my father and got permission for her to lead him to the Celestial Realm when he passed. She wouldn’t listen however. He had told her all about his dreams for the future and she couldn’t let his life end. SO she concocted a plan. I wish she would’ve told me about it earlier, but I only found out about it after the deed had been done. She took a Tarel fruit and fed it to him,” Mc gasped despite herself. That fruit was precious. Michael himself wasn’t allowed any unless Father approved of it. Lucifer didn’t even acknowledge the outburst, “He recovered, obviously, but the damage was irreversible. As punishment for her sins, my father decided she would be put on trial, though we all knew the outcome, “ as did Mc. Either death or complete exile. They were essentially one-and-the-same.

“I had… many issues with the Celestial Realm and how it was run. How it probably still is. I was able to put those all aside however for the sake of my family and my position. This however,” and Mc could see the rage that still filled his eyes, “I could never forgive. Not if it meant the death of our dear baby sister. All my brothers felt the same way, especially Beel and Belphie. We all decided we were going to do something about it. Despite what anyone might say, I did try to go the “correct way” in the beginning. Supplications to my father. Speaking to others that might listen. I think we even tried a petition at one point. Very few would listen. I think there was a level of envy from most of the other angels. They saw in Lilith all their shortcomings, and so they had latched onto the one “bad” thing anyone could ever remember her doing.

“Tensions came to a head one day when I told my father and Michael I would do everything in my power to keep Lilith safe. Michael then looked me dead in the eyes and told me my sister was going to be punished, even if he had to do it himself. I left that meeting trembling with rage, and that’s when I knew I would wage war against anyone who tried to hurt my family, even if that meant fighting my father myself. I flew into the sky that day and sent my declaration of war over the entire Celestial Realm.

“Some came to our aid, but most sat on the opposing side. The war was long and bloody. Many that had flocked to our aid perished, low ranked angels who didn’t stand a chance against the likes of Michael and his bow. On what would come to be known as the last day of the war, we had so few left, my precious family had to be put near the front of the battle. Everything was going fine, and we were actually winning when I saw Michael emerge from the enemy forces. He had spotted Lilith, standing with Beel and Belphie, and I could see his intentions before anyone else. I tried my hardest to reach the three youngest, but a large crowd of angels came to attack me. Whether it was his plan all along to keep me tied up with so many, I don’t know. All I do know is that by the time I had fought off all my attackers it was too late. He had strung three arrows pointing them at my family. They all knew it was coming too, and I watched the panic set in to all three of them, with Beel in the middle. He chose to save Belphie. Lilith went down with an arrow to the wing, which was then followed by three more arrows shot by others, one to her other wing, one to the stomach, and then one to the chest. She looked over to me as she started falling and I…” Lucifer’s voice broke and he had to take a second to compose himself, “Well, let’s just say I will never forget it. After the shock had worn off, I flew after her as she fell. I tried to shoot down as fast as I could hoping to grab her, but it was no use. She crashed into the Devildom, wings singed body broken.

“I didn’t tell anyone about that day for a long time. Eventually I did tell Barbatos and Lord Diavolo who Lilith’s murderer was, which is why Barbatos knew who to send you to for answers. The fact Michael wouldn’t come clean about the whole thing, and that they’ve essentially erased her from history… It makes my blood boil. To see Diavolo acting so chummy with my sister’s murderer…” Mc could see, through the film of tears blocking her vision, Lucifer’s horns starting to emerge again.

Without thinking, she crossed over to him and hugged him, openly weeping. The thought was appalling. Whenever people spoke about the Great Celestial War, they always spoke of Michael’s brilliant tactical genius. They spoke of how he’d helped crush the rebellion, though they had never gone into detail. She now knew why. Lucifer was taken aback for a second by the behavior, but eventually hugged her back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, yeah. That happened.

Likes, shares and comments all vm appreciated.

If y’all got the reference in the beginning, I applaud you and offer the chance to quote her magnificence in the comments or you could send me asks and I will reply with another quote (please take me up on this!)

Part Seventeen

#obm #obey me!#obey me #obey me satan #obey me swd #obey me satan/mc #obey me lucifer #obey me michael #obey me lilith #obey me angst #obey me celestial war #obey me hol #obey me beel

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alo-piss-trancy · 4 years ago

Note

Ok hi, I didn't wanna say anything, but please don't write knifeplay/bloodplay for Yuri. I def don't wanna spoil anything, but it's learned on a certain route that Yuri has a s*lf h*rm problem (I'll leave it at that).

You honestly seem like you're not trying to be a jerk with this ask, so I'm going to do my best to answer this as politely as possible without compromising my personal beliefs on the matter. This is going to be long and a little serious, but please note I'm not attacking you or trying to start a debate. I'm just laying all my thoughts on this down at once so I make myself clear, because a short answer would leave a lot of nuance out.

I understand what you're trying to do here. For the record though, I also considered that a pretty massive spoiler and I did not appreciate that at all. Even if you all think you're 'helping', don't do that again. Y/uri was pretty much the only character I'd managed to avoid most spoilers on and you killed the surprise for me. This game is already so full of fluffy 'filler' in the beginning that I don't have a ton of big plot points to look forward to in each route.

Now, I realise this is a very delicate topic and incredibly triggering to some people, especially with those two things combined. I am 100% willing to tag it with just about any variation needed to ensure you or others affected can blacklist/block it and never have to see a word of it in the future. I'd also be happy to go back and tag that original text post I made if needed. I mean that. You all are welcome to ask me to tag things anytime, and so long as you're polite about it I'm perfectly willing to oblige to the best of my ability in future posts! If I occasionally forget, just toss me a light reminder and I'll jump into editing and add it in.

That said, I want to make it clear that I am very firmly against censorship. I'm willing to take all necessary precautions to ensure people can curate their experiences on this blog and AO3, but at the end of the day I can still post whatever fictional stuff I choose to. As can anyone else. Same goes for more formally published media.

Now, it's entirely possible I would have gotten to that part of the game and decided 'oh dang, I'm not so enthused about that fic idea anymore...'. My whims and ideas change frequently, and what you mentioned is a heavy topic with a lot to unpack and process. It's also entirely possible that future plot would only provide more fuel.

Fyi, when I originally mentioned the knifeplay I was actually thinking a lot more along the lines of her doing it to the protagonist, not the reverse. But for the record, if I did choose to write it with focus on Y/uri, I would still be well within my rights to.

This next part of my answer is going to address some heavy topics, this is your warning!!!

Sometimes people's kinks are a way to take a thing that is personally scary or upsetting to them and find a way to reverse it. To find pleasure or power or get used to the idea of the awful thing in a safe, controlled fashion. I'm not going to go into the full details on this because there's plenty of explanation and research elsewhere already written up, as well as an excellent book on the subject, and I'm not turning this blog into a discourse debate. But I needed to mention it for my point.

There are plenty of stories that could be explored with Y/uri in this context. Did she have this kink before the self harm events started and it was completely unrelated, or did she develop it afterwards? How did she discover it beforehand? If developed afterwards, did it start out as another way of harming mixed with pleasure in a self-destructive way, often done sloppily and without proper technique? Or was it strictly used as almost exposure therapy to deal with those urges and thoughts in a safer, more contained scenario, maybe even allowing the partner she trusted to wield the knife to prove their bond/reinforce that she can be loved without being hurt deeply, that she is worthy of affection and trust and loyalty. Maybe this finally helps give Y/uri a tool to embrace her 'weirdness' without harming herself and others. Or, what if she thinks it can be a useful tool and is sure she's ready, but partway through the scene she gets triggered or has flashbacks... how does she deal with it? How does her partner? Can it be overcome with effort, research, and taking things slowly, or does she realize this kink is actually completely off the table for her?

What if she has this kink and is excited to try it, but her partner isn't? How does she take that rejection? Or do her poor social skills mean she skipped negotiation to begin with and attempted it in the middle of a vanilla session? Would her partner freak out or even get mad, or try to swallow their fear and let her do it so they don't hurt/offend her, even at the cost of their own comfort?

This topic also opens a ton of potential plots for darkfic, but I'll refrain from discussing that out of respect for you and others.

So as you can see, there's much more to explore than 'Knife=Hot'. I believe those discussions and ideas are necessary and provide important fuel for thought when explored fictionally, especially since mainstream media doesn't cover a lot of them.

~~~

I feel I should take a second to clarify knifeplay for those who may be unaware. It doesn't always equate to actual cutting/drawing blood. That can be an aspect, but usually only by those far more experienced and, you know, actually into that. A lot of participants don't actually go that far. Mostly, it's either about the physical sensation of the knife touching you at all, or the adrenaline/controlled fear and intimate trust of a partner bringing an object like that so close/teasing you with it.

In fact, it's frequently advised in those circles (especially to newcomers) to use a dull butterknife instead, because it simulates the same feelings of metal on skin/can dig in a little without any real risk of cutting/drawing blood. Even if one chooses to use a different knife, it's still pretty common to dull the blade, or some people even substitute with a closed pair of scissors (combined with the partner blindfolded, you can't really tell it apart from the real thing).

These versions of knifeplay are well controlled and ultimately pretty harmless, so long as both parties know what they're doing and stay alert. And more experienced players with sharper knives are even more cautious/have studied extensively to know where/how deep to go without risking scarring/serious injury.

Remember the golden rules of kink: Safe. Sane. Consensual.

With those in place, it is not nearly the same as self harm. Just as controlled, consensual, well-negotiated BDSM with safewords, respected boundaries and a trusted partner is never in the same league as abuse.

~~~

Now that that's out of the way, back to my point:

There's no perfect representation or narrative for everyone, in any group (be that gender/sexuality/triggered by certain things, etc). Every human being is different, everyone interprets media differently, and everyone takes away different elements from stories.

What one person in a particular group may find cathartic, relateable, or painful but necessary food for thought, another may find completely repulsive, personally hurtful, offensive, something they can't stand to hear. And guess what? Both of those can be true at the same time. One side is not immediately right over the other.

There are queer characters or interpretations of them in fics that I vehemently despise, might even find hurtful or sickening and think 'how can anyone create this, it's insufferable! People in 'my group' aren't like that, it's a horrible representation. I can't relate to it at all!' But you know what? Other people can and do, may find comfort in those exact narratives and experiences, may heal their pain instead of inflicting more. And that's great. It's what they needed or wanted and if I don't like it, I click away and do my best to avoid it.

There are specific tropes and narrative themes I personally cannot get through without being triggered into anxiety attacks or dragged back to bad times and places in my life. Sometimes I see them tackled in ways that are hurtful or seem insensitive to me. But I recognise that for someone else, it's exactly what they needed to see to get through that or come to terms with it, or see a way they wish that thing could play out. I would never dream of telling those people they aren't allowed to enjoy it, OR telling the creator of that piece of media or a tv show 'Hey ummm please don't use this plot because it turns me into a human wreck for a week'. Because it's not remotely my place to do so. They can create whatever they want, they have no responsibility towards me or my well being. A few might be kind enough to include a warning at the beginning of that episode or in the description, but they are in no way required to. It's up to me to curate my experience and try to keep my guard up/research what might have those tropes, and in the rare occasions I get blindsided, yeah, it hurts like hell. I struggle, I might even backslide a bit. But I just have to try my best to deal with it and make a note to be more careful next time. Because you can't control the world around you, not even the online world, and you have absolutely no right to. The only right you have is to protect yourself without infringing on other people's boundaries/rights.

And there's also another important point. There doesn't have to be a big important point or explanation for why a creator creates something, or why consumers can enjoy that creation! If someone wants to create a plotline with all of my triggers used in the most 'insensitive', 'wrong', pointless ways possible, strictly for Entertainment or pure kink material instead of some deep dissection of the issues involved? They can go hog wild!!! They are 100% allowed to do so on this earth, and I can't (and wouldn't want to) do a thing to stop them.

One person can read a kink fic and it hits a very emotional theme for them/they think it explores a deep topic well. Another person can read that same fic and get nothing out of it except their rocks off. Both of those readers are completely equal and 'allowed' to enjoy that fic. Both reasons are completely valid reasons for why the creator was 'allowed' to post/create that fic in the first place. Nobody needs permission, nobody has to answer to anybody except themselves. Period. This extends to any topic, any type of fic.

Yes, even for things I find absolutely abhorrent and insensitive and don't understand/want to read ever. I may resent everything about its existence, but I will defend to death the creator's right to make it exist in the first place.

It only affects me if I let it affect me. If someone's making content I despise or am upset by and can't handle, I can choose to ignore or avoid them, blacklist those tags, I can block them and move on with my day. I can do anything within my own bubble, but the second I consider going into their bubble and saying they can't make that thing, I am in the wrong. Because I'm not respecting their space and rights.

If someone makes cookies with ingredients I'm highly allergic to, pastes the ingredient warnings all over the box where I read them, and I still eat one, would anyone cheer me on for blaming them when I have a reaction? Would anyone think it was remotely okay of me to start calling up every bakery in town and saying they weren't allowed to bake those cookies EVER, because some people somewhere might be allergic?

No. They'd tell me I was crossing the line, because I'm infringing on other people's boundaries and lives. I'm expecting everybody else to take responsibility for something that, while horrible and painful, was my fault for touching.

Now, if someone sets out unlabelled cookies not realizing I'm allergic to something in them, and I eat it and have a reaction, that sucks. It's an awful experience. But is it the baker's fault? As long as they didn't do it maliciously, not really. They can be advised politely to label it in the future, and I can do my best to remember to ask/be more cautious next time I come across something I'm unsure of, but they're still allowed to bake those cookies for themselves and others.

Now, if I deliberately baked cookies with an ingredient that people are very frequently allergic to (ex. peanuts) and set it out in a crowded buffet without a warning label, that's a jerk move. That's intentionally trying to cause harm to others. But simply baking that flavour of cookies still isn't a crime or harmful by itself.

~~~

I'll be honest, I'm running out of steam and I think I've said most of what I have to say, so I'll wrap it up. I want to reiterate that I'm not ripping into you with this long answer, anon! I understand why you sent me what you did and I'm trying not to come off as harsh. I'm happy to go back and tag things and will tag anything else similar in the future!!! But at the end of the day, regardless of whether I personally end up writing that fic or not, or even want to after I get to that plot, I don't agree with telling anyone they can't/shouldn't write it at all. I wanted to try and explain my viewpoint thoroughly, and I hope you can respect that, just as I'll respect and try to accommodate you and other followers. This is the only time I'll really get up on a soapbox like this, and I have no interest in debating these things on my blog further, but it is a topic I've been passionate about all my life so I'm afraid I'm not budging on it.

#bear gets a letter #not omo #tw knives #tw knifeplay #tw cutting #tw self harm #d/dlc spoilers

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maluminspace · 5 years ago

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First Kiss

Genre: fluff

Pairings: Michael Clifford/Reader

Word Count: 900+

Requested: by anon for mikemonth 2019

Trigger Warnings: strong language

A/N: I’ve been too excited to write these Mikemonth blurbs. I hope you like this one 💗 Happy first day of Mikemonth everyone!

...

You’re being ridiculous.

You’ve known this man for like, what? Three hours, tops? Yet you’re already imagining what a beautiful life the two of you could have together. So what if you don’t even know his surname yet! You already know that his first name is Michael and that he’s a gaming nerd. He also loves a lot of the same movies and music as you, what else could possibly matter.

In all honesty, he could be talking about anything right now. You have literally no idea what he’s saying because you’ve zoned out thinking about how pretty his green eyes are and how kissable his lips look.

You only snap back to reality when your sure-to-be future husband stops talking and glances over at you expectantly, like he’s waiting for an answer to a question you have no idea that he’s even asked.

Oh shit...

“Sorry, what did you say?” You ask, making the split-second decision to be honest rather than try and blag an answer when you have literally no clue what question you’re meant to be responding to.

Michael’s cheeks turn a pretty rosy colour as he drops his gaze and scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. “I’m sorry, you must be so bored...” he chuckles shyly. “I know I talk a lot about random crap... especially when I’m nervous.”

You find yourself smiling at the way Michael plays with the cuffs of the too-long sleeves of his black sweater. “You’re not boring.” You reassure him gently, touching his arm in what you can only hope is a comforting gesture. “I just lost my train of thought, that’s all.”

The blonde man shakes his head. “It’s okay...” He insists, “I might be a dork but I’m a self aware one.” His sad eyes flicker back to your face for a moment. “I’ll let you get back to the party now.”

As Michael starts to stand, you grip his arm a little tighter. “I don’t want to get back to the party.” You say honestly. “I don’t care about drinking games and loud music, I’m having much more fun out here with you.”

The garden of your friend Ashton’s house is small but well kept. You’ve spent a lot of time at many of his parties out here, always enjoying a lengthy break from the sweaty house and loud music. Usually you’d come out here alone, but tonight this pretty man had already been sitting on your favourite bench. You’d asked to join him and the two of you had been chatting ever since.

“You don’t have to lie.” Michael smiles kindly. “You zoned out because I won’t shut up about star wars...”

You giggle, your heart feeling lighter than you can ever remember it being. Michael was quite possibly the sweetest and most oblivious person on earth. In situations like this, you’re usually the shy one. It’s obvious that you’ll have to take control this time, though, otherwise Michael might disappear back into the party and you’ll regret not being brave for once.

“I zoned out because I was thinking about how much I want to kiss you.” You confess, feeling you’re cheeks flood with colour.

“Oh...” Michael said, sinking back in his seat, although he never breaks eye contact with you. “Really?”

You nod, “is that so hard to believe?” You ask, biting your bottom lip nervously. “I’ve been thinking about it since the second I met you, but I guess I got too in my head in the last few minutes.”

Michael’s cheeks deepen in colour as you slide your hand down his arm and interlace your fingers with his. “It just never entered my head that you’d be thinking that.” He replies. “Most people just stop listening because I ramble a lot.”

There’s something completely endearing about Michael and you’re already more attracted to him than you care to confess. “You said that you do it more when you’re nervous.” You interject, stroking the back of his hand with your thumb. “Why’re you nervous, right now?”

Michael swallows hard. ��Because I ummm... because you’re the most beautiful person at the party and we’re alone.” He mumbles, the corners of his lips twitching almost apologetically.

“Do you want to kiss me too, Michael?” You ask, giving into your impatient inner voice that wants to taste his lips more than anything else in the whole world.

Michael nods bashfully. “I’ve been thinking about it all night, too.”

Despite having both confessed your feelings out loud, there’s still a level of anxiety between you, like neither of you can decide who should make the first move.

“Shit...” You giggle after a moment, “I haven’t felt this stupid over a boy since high school.”

Your little comment breaks the tension in the air and Michael’s expression softens again as he grins. “You’re definitely not stupid.” He replies, leaning forward a little like he’s finally going to kiss you. He stops a little short, though, leaving you to close the gap.

The kiss is shy and tentative, neither of you wanting to scare the other by being too overly enthusiastic. It’s beautiful in its own way, though. The way Michael’s free hand comes up to cradle your cheek as your lips move slowly against his, all but melts your heart.

Both of you are red-cheeked and slightly breathless when you break apart. There’s no doubt in your mind that you have a connection with this man and you’re already too excited to explore it further.

Tag list: @clffrd @byxthexway @afuckingunicornn @painkillerash @thrillchaser @moonchildsblack @calumbbyyy @h0tsos @valentinelrh @sexgodashton @megz1985 @myfalsedevotion @aulxna @honeyedlashton @tea4sykes @ghostofmashton @fairyintheglass @cashworthy @cashtonasfuck @opheliaaurora23 @5sosnsfw

#michael clifford #5sos #michael clifford imagine #michael clifford fluff #michael clifford blurb #michael clifford fic #5sos fluff #5sos blurb #5sos fic #michael imagine #michael fluff #michael blurb #michael fic #mikemonth #my writing

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cowardlylearningtobebrave · 4 years ago

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so ummm, first off, i’m not going to tag the person or anything bc i don’t particularly want to drag this on and make it a circle of hate or smth but i feel like i have to explain myself since they did, actually, decide to bless me with a reply to my longass rant (meaning they read it - altho i’m not so sure if they actually understood half of what i wrote but i digress) so here:

i get you were “just” comparing/naming ppl who were cleaned of things, i get that. but i feel like you did not understand what that comparison implied. that’s all i was trying to point out but i see it went completely over your head so i rest my case.

(i like how you did not react to any other points i made except for that one,, uwu right back at you :3)

your age does not matter in this argument at all, that was just me (very poorly, i assume) trying to show that i do not like arguing with younger ppl - not because they are in any way lesser than me but as an older sibling it makes me feel guilty and uncomfortable. if you are older/my age - i hope you one day mature mentally enough to at least be able to admit you were wrong and answer in any other way than saying “fuck you” to any critique you receive. if you are younger - i simply speaking think you should have worded your post a little differently.

i truly do not, surprising as it may be, need your list of things that are wrong with you. i am sure you understand very well that was a figure of speech. but if there is such a list, mayhaps you should try looking up a therapist or at least a close person to you to help you with your worries.

mmmmyea, so overall, i think it’s pretty clear we will never see eye to eye since you basically very obviously skimmed through everything i wrote and only took out the two instances i got a bit more harsh with my words. i completely understand, that is the exact same reason i am writing this after all. however, maybe in the far away future i would recommend reading over the other parts as well (esp the trigger thingy and blaming chan & felix for some reason - those are actually the two things i’d be glad to receive an explanation for but whatever i guess) and think about them for as long as your attention span allows you.

once again, my intention was never to hate on you, or your opinions. it might seem like it, but it was not. i wanted to point out why i think your thinking was, in my opinion at least, flawed and tried to show you the reasons i think so. based on your reply, i have failed miserably. lastly, i do have a i-have-to-be-always-right-or-else-i-will-die syndrom so if i pushed my opinions onto you too hard i do apologize for that. you are entitled to say what you want but as i said before - you are also responsible for your words, online or irl.

#mine #me being petty is not tagging the person but also writing this anyway bc im a very proud person :))#also i dont check my notes like at all so i just randomly remembered i wrote the thing and went to check for replies so this is late but meh #if they by any miniscule chance reply.............. just know i wont read it/wont notice bc i dont care anymore :)#(also sorry for the sarcasm my hands slipped)

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mcrmadness · 5 years ago

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I was tagged by @cupcakecurl, thank you so much! I’ll try to remember to tag you whenever I am tagged the next time!

It’s a long post so I put it under the “keep reading” link.

1. Do you ever make your bed? No. I have a loft bed so no one can see to there (unless someone is like 2m tall but I barely have visitors and especially not that tall people lol. Or maybe bit shorter people too but since I’m very short, I can’t see there :D) so there’s no point in making the bed. Plus I tend to sweat a lot during some nights so I like to leave the bed “open” so it can dry properly.

2. What’s your favorite number? 13. But also 23 and 123.

3. What’s your job? Currently I’m on a sick leave but my “profession” is horse groom.

4. If you could go back to school, would you? Ummm, I’ve been to plenty of schools but with a bit bad success... I actually love studying and learning but I don’t like schools nor going to schools. So I’m constantly wanting to learn and study but every time I’ve been accepted into a school, I have asked myself "why tf did you have to do this again when you know you hate this all???” as every time I face the same concentration problems with essays etc.

5. Can you parallel park? Yes, but I prefer not to do that on a busy road since I start fucking up things when I feel like I have to hurry because I’m bothering other people. So only when there’s not other cars going everywhere I will do that, otherwise I’ll find another spot to park.

6. A job you had that would surprise People? I haven’t really had that weird jobs, all of them have been about horses tbh. And I haven’t done a real job ever anyway, just work trainings and school related trainings. But I might say here that before I figured I want to work with horses, I was trying to study animal caretaking and that certain branch was focusing on farm animals. So I have actually been to a cowhouse with milk cows and I have been milking them and worked with cows and calves there a lot as it was a huge part of my school. I also know how to drive a tractor and how to reverse with a trailer attached because we did this A LOT at school and we had to do this again when I was studying in the horse school and it was one of the tests to reverse a tractor and the trailer had to go into an imagined “barn”.

7. Do you believe aliens are real? Yes. I mean, this universe is such a huge place, why the fuck not??? I actually had this thought from a very early on that there must be life out there somewhere and I’m pretty sure they are aware of us all but let’s be honest, if you was from an another galaxy and found out there’s a this small planet with some puny people on it, would you want to get to know us? No, I don’t think so. If we have to kill each other for stupid reasons, do you really think humans would suddenly agree being friends with aliens too? So I still believe they are out there and are aware of us but don’t really bother meeting us nor even letting us know about them because humans are the most idiotic animal on this planet. If you look at all these scifi movies already (witch a few exceptions) and how we always imagine the aliens: if they are hostile, they are unintelligent, can’t talk and will make monster noises and they will look like monsters. If they are friendly, they are super intelligent, can talk or use even telepathy to talk to us and they are humanoids, never monsters. I guess we’re just so scared of them we’re obsessed with this idea and we’re scared they would be more intelligent and still hostile at the same time...

8. Can you drive a manual car? Yup, I have only ever had a manual car and I actually have never driven an automatic car. I’ve no clue how they work :D In Finland you can choose between a driver’s licence to manual or automatic car and with manual you can drive them both, with automatic you can only drive automatic cars. (Do people say automatic car or should it be “with automatic gears”?)

9. What’s your guilty pleasure? I was thinking about this a lot and I think I will agree with the person who tagged me and also say male/male pairings and shipping. But I don’t want to give the same answer (I think there was a really good points!) so I think I’ll go with an easier one: this doesn’t happen that often anymore but when I was still studying and working 4-5 days/week.

We were always listening to radio at work and we usually used channels with music from the 70s and 80s, maybe also 90s and sometimes even older than that. Once one of the workers left the place, we all started using other channels cos everyone was so done with that one particular radio channel :D Anyway, my guilty pleasure was that some songs sometimes stuck in my head, often from old and really popular bands that I couldn’t even link to the band itself. And I really hate earworms when they are not music I normally like to listen to, so I often get really frustrated with them and I start my hunt for the songs so I can listen to them and maybe finally remove it from my head. And here comes my guilty pleasure: reading the youtube comments to some really old songs’ music videos. They are often just so damn hilarious I was often dying from laughter when I did that! And it’s bit sad too because I would have loved to share with them other people but either they would have not understood the youtube comment humour or if I brought it up to someone who actually liked the music, they would just get offended. So I actually realize only now how often this was happening with the songs and I’ve found some really hilarious comments from there too!

I also had several songs I kinda liked to listen to when they were playing. That is something fun too because I wouldn’t say they are guilty pleasure songs but more like... just something for myself you know? I’m often really open but sometimes I like it more when I can keep things only to myself. And it somehow cheered me up when I was driving my car or working in the stable and then heard one of those “guilty pleasure” songs that I could enjoy and at the same time enjoy of the fact no one knew I was enjoying them! I guess I like it because I’m often feeling like being way too visible and I’m afraid that I give away opinions and feels without saying them aloud and what I really want to keep to myself, so that makes me feel REALLY good when I know no one can read me!

10. Tattoos? No. And not gonna have either. I have a fear of needles and pain, I used to have one pair of earrings and even that was terrible enough. And painful.

11. Favorite color? Orange, almost like the neon orange; electric blue, and black.

12. Things people do that piss you off? Ohhh are we talking about pet peeves now? I usually am very calm and it’s hard to make me angry but I’d say that what REALLY pisses me off is when someone/people don’t listen to me. And I mean when they literally tell to my face they don’t care, they don’t want to hear, and that I should shut up. That is what makes me really furious even. One of those rare things that make me really feel like I need to start smashing things. Also people talking over and not listening overall is something a bit annoying but I can take it, but not when it’s intentional. Also I’m very stubborn and sometimes not getting what I want makes me angry too since I kinda got used to that as the oldest siblings, but at the same time I am aware of this and I don’t think I’m surperior or anything. Just some things I need to pay more attention to about myself.

13. Any phobias? Fire (pyrophobia), needles and sharp objects (aichmophobia) and social anxiety (social phobia), for the starters.

14. Favorite childhood sport? I had none. I liked badminton tho but just like... a few times in a summer and then I forgot about it again. And as a pre-teen I actually was horseback riding regularly for about half a year. Then a pony threw me down and it was my first time falling of a horse and of course I had to break my arm. Since that I have fallen just once but I don’t really like riding that much, driving is more of a my thing now.

15. Do you ever talk to yourself? Not really, I laugh aloud more often but I don’t really talk to myself. I don’t like hearing my voice when I’m alone, it triggers my depersonalization/dissociation.

16. What movie do you adore? Oh what movie I wouldn’t adore??? I watch so many movies and it’s almost impossible to say just one... I guess I’m gonna say my favorite one of them all: Beetlejuice by Tim Burton. I have always been really interested in all kinds of different imagines of death because I have always been a bit afraid of death and I just don’t like the thought of everything ending on that. I can basically imagine that emptiness and it’s really scary and something I don’t want to have. So I have always been really into anything that will show death as something else than emptiness or permanent. And I really love it what Burton did with Beetlejuice and I just love all the details in there! I have seen this movie millions of times and still I feel like whenever I watch it, I find something I did not see the last time because there’s just so much to see! And it’s also really funny and full of dark humour which is 110% my thing and I think that movie is a perfect example of Burton’s twisted, dark sense of humour. I feel like I understand his humour so well that every time I go to see a Burton movie in the theaters, I’m usually the only one to laugh at things I get as these weird jokes he likes to put there and everyone else is laughing at things that weren’t always even meant as that funny. It’s kinda weird, but it just shows that he’s my favorite move director for a reason :D And back to Beetlejuice (was that now the third time saying the name..?), Danny Elfman made the music to this one too and the theme is probably my favorite Danny Elfman score as well.

17. Do you like doing puzzles? Yeah! I like both types: jigsaw puzzles and the other puzzles and I really love when video games have lots of puzzles to solve as idk, somehow I just love that :D

18. What’s your favorite kind of music? Uh, this is gonna take a while to explain. Because it’s not that simple... I mean, in a way it is but it isn’t? :D I tend to like bands that basically are of the newer punk rock but don’t necessarily be punk itself, but they all either have roots in punk or their influences were mainly punk bands. And a while back I actually realized that most bands I listen to, actually have lots of the same bands behind there as their influences but all these bands (that I listen to) are all totally different from each other. So I like music that is based on punk rock but with a lot of new stuff added to them and I like music that is very diverse and offers a lot for the ears to hear, lots of layers and instruments etc. but so that on an album there isn’t 10 songs that are hard to tell apart ebcause they sound so alike, but more like 10 songs that are all different enough from each other but still similar enough that they sound like they belong into the same album. I’m very picky with music but the more I look back into what my music taste has been over the years, I still seem to always like the same things, and one of the things I like a lot with music is when there’s violins and/or pianos, I also like brass, but only when it’s there every now and there and not in every song. When not getting too much of something, it stays interesting, otherwise I’ll become very bored and start to look for “new” stuff to have enough stimuli.

So, many probably are already aware that my favorite band is Die Ärzte. And others, from the US: MCR, The Killers and Yellowcard. Rammstein from Germany and there’s some other German bands I might listen to too. From Finland I like bands like: Apulanta, Tehosekoitin, Klamydia, Häiriköt... And have to say here that as weird as it sounds, DÄ, MCR and Apulanta are quite different but all of them have lots of the same bands that influenced them! :D And Rammstein is probably the most different but hey, they also have punk roots! (And I like Feeling B too, btw. It’s very rare to me because I normally don’t like THAT regular punk but I really love the drums, escpecially when Schneider joined the band, and all the other instruments and the synth just made them to stand out!) And even The Killers share some influence bands with DÄ and MCR which is super interesting as there’s nothing punk in their style, but they’re still one of the most important bands from my teenage years. I was about 14 when I heard of them for the first time at school and since there was no Youtube yet, the hunt for the song, “Somebody Told Me”, was quite intense because only way to find it was to one day hear someone mention the song and band name on radio, but fortunately I did catch it! The album I found only 1-2 years later tho, when their 2nd album was released and I found both albums from a record store (R.I.P. record stores...) here.

So, that’s my favorite kind of music. Fast, interesting, lots of layers and instruments, good singing and it has to have lots of melody too. I live from songs with lots of melody.

19. Tea or coffee? Tea, and actually the only tea I drink is Earl Greay and I drink that on a daily basis. Usually just 1 cup/day but sometimes even 2. 3 starts to have bit too much caffeine already. And from here we get to the reason I don’t drink coffee: my head can’t stand caffeine and the only time I do drink coffee is because I need caffeine aka when I drive longer distances with a car, but it causes me exessive sweating and I need to pee 24/7 and increses my panic symptoms and worsens my concentration skills so I try to avoid caffeine as much as I can. Besides, coffee tastes bad. It’s one of the best smells in the world and I HATE how it does not taste like that!!! So whenever I drink coffee, it’s not really coffee, it’s milk and sugar with a little bit of coffee in it. And ice coffee tastes better than normal coffee and I usually buy these readymade ice coffees you get in Finland cos they don’t taste like coffee. More like... milk and sugar with coffee taste lol.

20. First thing you remember wanting to be when you grow up? Oh I think what I said was “I don’t know, probably something to do with animals.” I also am not exactly sure if I was one of those kids being like “I want to be a veterinatian!” or if I did NOT want to be a vet, and so when people would ask about being a vet then, I’d answer no, but more like just taking care of the animals. And I was not wrong, I am a qualified horse groom now.

I want to tag (what? me? tagging people? uncanny!) @stufenlosregelbar and hmmmm... @bleibimmerduselbst, since I haven’t seen this one on your blogs yet. Or at least not lately, not sure if you have already done this before and if so, I’m sorry, I normally do remember things I see but now for some reason I can’t remember that! And of course if someone out there wants to do this but hasn’t got tagged (I’d but I can’t read minds so idk who wants to be tagged I’m sorry!), then I’m also gonna tag YOU so please, steal this and tag yourself :D

#tag games #mcrmadness' random stuff

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snobbishbookworm · 6 years ago

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Get to Know Me

Tagged by: @teetrisking Thanks pal!! Tagging: @bandit-detective-blackwood @intelligentblackbird @lasorciereviolette

Name: Ginger’s fine. Not my real name tho, lol

Nickname: Star! Height: 5′6" Nationality: American Favorite Fruit: caNTELOPE and also nectarines Favorite Season: fall for sure fam Favorite Smell: vanilla and fabric softener Favorite Color(s): purple and turquoise! Favorite Animal: PENGUINS Tea, Coffee, Hot Cocoa: all Of em! Only really drink coffee on rare occasions tho Average Hours of Sleep: like 6 Dogs or Cats: Dogs!! Dream Trip: oh dude I’d love to travel to France tbh, I speak okay French so I’d like to try my skills lol When my blog was created: uhhhhh like a month or two ago? # of Followers: 43!! Random Fact: about me?? Ummm let’s see I want to work in the library of Congress?? Is that cool?? Favorite Food: definitely chocolate Favorite TV show: The Netflix asoue is KICKASS Favorite Movie: the little prince tbh Favorite Vine: CHRIS!!! IS THAT A WEED!!!?! Sexuality: the only person I’ve ever been attracted to ever is my current bf…. so probably some kinda grayaro but i don’t click with labels or anything Gender: im a gal Favorite Book Series: ASOUE!! Also the mysterious Benedict society is really good Favorite Video Game(s): Earthbound, Professor Layton and the Unwound Future, Puyo Puyo? Super Mario rpg, and i just started chrono trigger and it’s really really good so far Favorite Subject: English for sure Favorite Fandom(s): huh. Earthbound I guess? Never been involved in any kind of fandom drama in there or Puyo lol Favorite Superhero: ROBIN BUT THE LEGO BATMAN ROBIN Guys or Girls: I’m only attracted to one guy soooooo guys I guess Celebrity crush: i think peanutbuttergamer sounds like a cool guy I’d like to hang out with him Last time I cried: last week, I’m generally a very happy person but I had a migraine lol it hurt man Hair Color: I’m a ginger! Eye Color: blue What Should I Be Doing: writing goddAMN SCHOLARSHIP ESSAYS

#Player 1 - Mun #{ITS ME IF YOU WANNA KNOW SOME STUFF}

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charlunday · 4 years ago

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I was tagged by @vvanini !! Get to know me I guess

Nickname: Charlunday! It was actually given to me by my little cousin, who is fond of jumping into a room and calling me made-up words.

Zodiac: I know I'm a Capricorn sun and a Sagittarius moon but idk much else

Height: I honestly don't know, I think I'm probably 5'5" or 5'6"

Hogwarts house: Gryffindor! Y'know sometimes I think I'm not a gryff, but then I do something absolutely bonkers that affirms my lion status.

Last thing I googled: edpuzzle because I'm at school lmao

Song stuck in my head: PLEASE go look at this playlist I've compiled

Number of followers: 174

Amount of sleep: hmm well I went to sleep at like 10:30 and woke up at 7 so that's about 8.5 hours

Lucky number: I think mine is 32 idk I just feel it

Dream job: I'd love to just have loads of creative freedom on a big animated movie when it comes to characters and story and score

Wearing: a great t-shirt with these pajama shorts I have. They're hot pink and have big black stars on them

Favorite author: I will forever love Lemony Snicket's writing style

Favorite instrument: That I can somewhat play? Sax. But just in general? Ummm I really like percussion in a song. Also just low brass is always wonderful

Aesthetic: do I have an aesthetic? Not really. But I read the Goldfinch and I think that tells you all you need to know

Favorite song: I'd have to say Piano Man by Billy Joel, that's the only song that triggers tears for me every time. I don't feel sad at all, I just hear the opening and I'm immediately tearing up.

Favorite animal noise: probably loons on the lake

Random: my favorite way to make art is a combo of ink, watercolor, and colored pencils

Hmm who should I tag I think I'll tag @skepticalcatfrog (DONT REBLOG IT FROM ME YOU NASTY PANTS)

#wtf am i even on rn

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rangergirl3 · 7 years ago

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So - I know I'm not a very big blog - and that's totally okay! :-) It's mostly something I started just because I really like to interact with people :-)

But sometimes, I do post more 'serious' stuff, and I just wanted to do that now.

(psst @rohanrider3 this is a post you should skip because I know this stuff upsets you because you have a big heart and are just incredibly protective and empathtic so pleeeease skip this one post of mine <3 - I'll tag you in something funny soon! Just gotta get this off my mind <3)

Warning: mention of past trauma/sexual assault on a minor

Okay - so, as many of you know, I've been through a lot over this past year.

I have PTSD, anxiety, depression, as well as a /lot/ of inter-family drama that is...pretty convoluted. My father's a narcissist, my mother's an enabler, so when I was growing up they ruled through fear, emotional maniuplation, physical abuse, wanting perfectionsism at the cost of their kids' sanity, this didn't get any better as the years went on, and I sort went through phases of wanting to kill myelf when I was eight/continued as I got older (don't worry, I'm better now), yada yada yada, basically I'm much much happier and healthier now that I'm in therapy and maybe one day they'll want to talk like civilized people but till then, Rangergirl isn't in contact with her parents. I may not have had a great childhood, but at least I have amazing siblings. <3

Ummm but for anyone who's new here's the (really ugly) backstory of /why/ I'm in therapy:

When I was about three or four years old, a grown man raped me in an attic. Then he tried to kill me, but couldn't. Actually he almost managed it, becasue at first he thought he did, but I'm a stubborn kind of person and I guess it was taking too long so instead he eventually decided to 'let me go'. Yeah, thanks, jackass. One of these days I'm going to fast-dial my ancestors and tell them to *insert detailed description of how Hell hath no fury like the vengenance in the after-life that scum is in for*

Okay so that happened, which was nightmarish enough, but apparently my parents sucked at trusting the right people around their kids, because when I was about six or seven it happened again, only by a different jackass who also hurt a very dear friend of mine at the same time and threatened to kill her if I went for help and there was no way in Hell that I was just going to leave her alone like that so - yes. I stayed (glad I did, it was a nightmare for both of us but my friend survived and so did I) but if I go into any more detail I'm going to be sick or have a flashback SO moving on.

Anyway that happened and as you might imagine, there's a loooooooot of bad shit to recover from and basically it was so awful my brain buried the memories so deep I didn't uncover the full facts until over two decades later, just this past spring.

Right. So, as you might imagine, that's a lot of pretty ugly shit to realize, and it had/is still having a lot of long-term effects on my health. And my parents are...not helping. They basically refuse to belive me unless I have more 'proof' and..yeah, I don't have anything they would consider proof since clearly my word isn't enough, but their trust issues are not something I can control.

But, um, yeah, it's been a long year.

Shit, where was I going with this...oh, right. :-)

So, sometimes I don't feel too great. In fact sometimes I feel really, really awful. Yesterday I encountered a trigger (it'll sound stupid but I was getting something out from a counter under a sink and someone clattered coffee mugs into the sink right next to my face and that loud noise so close and unexpected made me sort of go into a freeze-panic mode. I didn't lose my shit right then (growing up with my - honestly crazy-control freak parents - I learned it wasn't a good idea to show reactions when I got scared, sad, etc.) but I did have a sort of crying spell when I got home.

eeeeeyikes I've only now just realized that looking back at my childhood isn't a walk down memory lane, it's a sprint through enemy gunfire over emotional landmines

But, the point I'm trying to make here is that - even with all the shit that's going on, I am glad I'm alive. I'm really, really glad to be here, and finally addressing a lot of these issues, and getting better.

I know life is rough sometimes, and I'm totally not trying to say 'well since I had it rough and made it through I know allll the answers' - yeah, no, I don't have all the answers, not even remotely, I literally make shit up as I go and cope with trauma by quoting movies, books, and shows at it as it tries to eat my face

Okay I'm making a whole lot of analogies that are pretty convoluted, so I'll wrap this up with some encouragement which was was what I was trying to say in the first place:

Life can be crazy, but it's worth living, and it's worth living to the fullest.

So take good care of yourself, because you are important, and unique, and you have gifts and quirks (MHA reference totally intentional :D) that are unreapeateable.

So get out there and enjoy your 2018. :-)

#rangergirl rambles #indepth #like seriously this is a longer post then I meant to write but...whatever lol #covers some serious shit

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nebulastep · 7 years ago

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Sing Me a Song Chapter 1: F Sharp Expedition

Triggers: Pokemon related violence

Description: His first expedition. And first contact.

Notes: Hello! Guess who rose to actually write another chapter! In case you are wondering why I took so long, I was actually trying to nail down EXACTLY how I wanted this to go, which basically froze my fingers entirely! But here it is! With a clearer mind I should be able to get the next part out faster! (note I might change One of the Pokemon's names later, I was out of ideas)

I HAVE EDITED THIS STORY MILDLY SINCE ITS ORIGINAL POSTING

Let me know if you want to be tagged or if you don’t want me to tag you! I will always appreciate feedback! Also if you have any questions direct them to the askbox!

Tags: @killerfangirl3 @dan-yuna @obviouslyelementary @ec-sanderssides

His first assignment for the Professor. Its incredible! Its exciting! Its….stressful and he wished he was inside.

Thomas had been wandering around this forest for what felt like forever. The sun was beating down on his head as he carried around a backpack that seemed to grow heavier and more logged with sweat as time went on. The longer he was out here, the more he missed TV.

Yes he knew that on the job research can take time, and that Pokemon can be hard to find, and that he should be patient…. but… ahhhhh it was so boring.

Just a general survey of the area the Professor said. Just take note of any changes in the habitat. Yeah, like that was any direction. Just what was he suppose to look for?!?!

Maybe I would know if I actually read the briefing my professor handed me. Wait… why haven’t I looked at that yet?

He sighed as he took his backpack off and sat down, glad the weight was off his shoulders for a little while. Reaching onto his belt, he pulled out two poke balls and threw them forward. With a flash of light, a Rattata and a Growlithe appear.

“Pizza! Foster! I’m taking a break! Take some time to relax and stretch out your legs, okay?”

Pizza chattered her teeth before wandering up to the nearby trees and sniffing, probably for food. Foster woofed before bounding off between some trees.

“Foster! Don’t go too fa- oh forget it, she always comes back.”

Thomas reached into his backpack and took out the briefing he probably should have read before this point and flipped it open.

The Burning Forest is a flourishing ecosystem that hosts a variety of types of Pokemon.

Woof!

Thomas’s head snapped up to see Foster running towards him with a stick in her mouth with a pointed end. She sat down in front of Thomas wagging her tail excitedly. Thomas smiled before he took the stick from Foster and threw it while yelling for her to fetch it. She ran off as he looked down to read again.

Its situation next to a sleeping volcano provides ample fertile soil for an assortment of plants to grow and environments for Pokemon to inhabit.

Not that I have found and luck finding anything other than Pidgeys to take notes on.

At this point Pizza had decided to curl up by Thomas’s side and fall asleep. Thomas smiled at her and stroked her head with one hand as he read.

The Burning Forest is also host to a lake by the sleeping volcano. This lake feeds several stream systems that run through the forest, providing an ample source of clean, fresh water.

Guess that’s where I am getting more water if I should need it.

Woof! Woof!

Without looking, he held out his hand for Foster to drop the stick into. He then threw it again between the trees slightly harder. She bounded off again.

There are several Pokemon that live in communities throughout the region. One of the most prominent is th-

WOOF! WOOF! WOOF!

Thomas held out his hand but nothing fell into it. He looked forward to where the noises were coming from.

“Foster? Are you okay, girl?”

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

“I’m going to take that as a no,” he hurried onto his feet.

“Pizza! Get up! Something's wrong!” He said as he ran forward. In response Pizza opened her bleary eyes and slowly got on her feet to follow.

Thomas ran through the trees towards where Foster was clearly growling and putting up a fuss.

“Foster! Whats wro-”

…..

If you are wondering, Foster was fine. She was however, holding onto one end of the stick with a great amount of effort. The other end was being held onto and dragged away by the thing that made Thomas pause.

A white Igglybuff, reddish eyes steely with determination, pulling with all their might.

Thomas couldn’t help but stare at the scene before giggling.

Foster looked toward him, looking confused. The Igglybuff took the chance to pull on the stick, dragging Foster forward, before pounding Foster in the jaw, making her let go while also causing her to be knocked down

Aroooooo! Whimper, whimper!

“Foster!”

The Igglybuff inspected their stick before turning their gaze towards Thomas. Thomas shut his mouth as their gaze narrowed. The Igglybuff held up the pointed end of the stick towards Thomas, gave a short nod, and ran away, as Thomas stared off in shock.

Foster started to get up and make a run for the wayward Igglybuff when Thomas yelled at her sharply to stay close. It was then that Pizza wandered up, looking around with sleepy eyes.

Thomas sighed before bringing out the two poke balls again and opening them.

“Sorry guys. I need to straighten some things out.” He said as they disappeared inside their poke balls.

He went back to where he left his backpack and sat against the tree. He quickly pulled out his Poke-gear

and looked through his contacts.

“…Hello?.”

“Hello Professor. Its Thomas.”

“Why, hello Thomas! How are you? Is the forest treating you well?”

“Yes, yes it is… ummm, I saw something a little strange.”

“Ahhhh, find something interesting?”

“You can say that. I just saw an Igglybuff fight a sharpened stick away from Foster, point it towards me menacingly, and run off. Is that normal?”

“Hehehe, I don’t doubt that you came across an Igglybuff, Thomas. A significant population does live in that forest.. Foster probably just took a stick it particularly liked… though I have never heard of an Igglybuff or its evolutions holding a weapon…”

“I didn’t see any others though!”

“Really? Huh…. maybe they were lost…was there anything else notable about the one you saw?

“Well, they were white.”

“… Thomas… Why didn’t you say that first?”

“I don’t know!”

“You should know that is a very particular Igglybuff… Thomas, did you read the report all the way through?”

“Ummmmm… yes?”

“*Sigh* I’ll address that later. Thomas! Are you absolutely sure that this Igglybuff was alone?”

“I’m pretty sure!”

“You didn’t see a Wigglytuff anywhere? One didn’t help out? You don’t hear anything that sounds like his group interacting?”

“No! To all of it! And how do you know that Igglybuff is a boy?”

“You would know if you read the report! That’s not just any Igglybuff! Prince should be with Queen!”

“….who?”

“Oh for the love of….. HIS MOM! THE LEADER OF THE GROUP!…. Thomas, I need you to look into something.”

#sanders sides #sanderssides #thomas sanders #roman sanders #pokemon!sides #singing puffball #sing me a song

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silverschaos · 8 years ago

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Forget Me Not | Jughead Jones

Pairing: Jughead x Reader

Description: After an accident you wake up with temporary memory loss and can’t remember being in love with your boyfriend.

Warnings: mentions of a crash, basically the whole thing is based on someone losing their memory temporarily.

Word Count: 2026

A/N: first of all i am v v v sorry if this isn’t 100% accurate but it was an idea playing around in my head so i just took things from what i know and shows ive watched. i also wrote half of this while i was in a crap mood and the other half when i was v sick so it might not be the greatest but it’s something. also forgot my tags list on this one i’m the worst. and i almost didn’t wannt post this bc i’m a lil iffy on it and don’t want to trigger anyone or upset folk but yolo i guess. it’s not too bad ???

Forgetting thing is always annoying. Whether it’s where you put your keys, plans with friends, if you'd taken your dog out - simple things like that. Trying to search your brain to see if you can figure out if you can remember is never anyone's favourite thing to do but imagine if you couldn't remember anything at all.

Nothing. Never mind where the keys were. Imagine what it must be like to not remember anybody, memories and everything you used to know. Imagine having everything you ever knew ripped away from you.

Ever since the accident three months ago, that was your fate. You were on a road trip with your family, it had been a pretty bad winters night and the roads were icy. It only took a split second going from singing loud car tunes to the car losing control on the icy road and crashing into the big lorry that had been in front. Unfortunately, you'd hit your head hard and had spent a good month in hospital afterwards. When you'd woken up, you couldn't remember a thing. You didn't recognise your mum, why you were there or where you even were. Nothing. The doctors had explained to you that you had a case of temporary memory less. It was only temporary and your memories would come back in time but for now you remembered nothing. Not your mum, where you lived, who your friends were, your childhood - nothing. Not even your boyfriend. Jughead Jones the third had been your best friend for over ten years up until a year ago when he finally gained the courage to ask you to be his girlfriend. You’d said yes of course and never looked back. Before the accident you were so madly in love with the boy in the beanie and he loved you just as much. A match made in heaven everyone would say. After the accident, he’d stayed by your side every single day. He wouldn’t leave your bedside. The only time he ever did was when your parents made him go home for a shower and a change of clothes - school too, of course. But, everyday after he'd be back by your side. He slept there most nights and the moment you'd woken up, he'd been there holding your hand with tears in his eyes. You were finally back with him! However, the look in his eyes when you asked him who he was was something that you'd never forget. He looked so sad. His heart had broken because the girl he loved didn't even know who he was but that didn't deter him. No matter how hard it was that you couldn't remember what he was to you, he was still there trying to help you remember.

The day you were allowed to go home he was the one to walk you into your bedroom for the first time since everything had happened. He’d made you a board on one of your walls full of pictures of you, him and all your other friends that you recognised but couldn’t quite remember. He sat on your bed with you and went through who each person was. It was a lot to take in so he came up with a way for you to try and remember things by writing them down on different coloured sticky notes for different topics. He’d hoped doing this and going through old photos would help bring back some memories but nothing. The look in his eyes that day was one of the things you’d always remember. Why was he so sad? What was wrong with your friend Jughead?

You wrote those little questions on red notes because he was your special friend and red was your favourite colour.

Jughead hadn’t told you that he was your boyfriend… or well, had been. He couldn’t say you were still together if you didn’t know. What kind of person would he be to keep you in a relationship if you barely knew anything. It killed him but he wanted you to figure it out on your own. He wanted you to remember how you felt about him before your brain was a big old pit of nothingness. He wanted you to figure this out on your own no matter how long it took.

“So, first day back at school, huh?” Jughead asked, stepping into your room and helping you pack your bag, picking one of the books up off your desk and shoving it inside. Since he’d been around since you’d woke up, he was one of the familiar faces you wanted around you. Being around him made you feel something - something that you didn’t really know how to explain other than you just wanted him around. He was your friend. He was your best friend or that’s how you thought of him anyway and judging by how happy the two of you looked in the photos, that must be it.

“Do you think people are going to be mad at me for not knowing who they are?” You asked timidly, smiling when Jughead handed you your fully packed backpack.

“If they are, they’ll have me to deal with. I’ve got you, (Y/N). I’ll never let anything bad happen to you. I lo-” He had to stop himself from saying those three words he used to love saying to you. Instead, he gave your shoulder a comforting squeeze and escorted you out of the house.

The walk to school was nice and calm. The light breeze blowing through your hair, the sun shining through the clouds; it was a perfect morning to go back to school. It was peaceful and with Jughead by your side you felt safe. There were no words to describe how thankful you were to have him by your side even though you knew he was sad. You hadn’t brought that up to him yet. How could you even bring it up? Beside the smiles and the jokes constantly trying to make you feel better, you saw the sadness behind his eyes. If anyone in the world deserved to be sad it wasn’t Jughead Jones. He deserved the world and all the happiness within it.

As calm as the walk to school was, the moment you were stood outside the unfamiliar building, you began to panic. This was a big deal. It would be the first time you’d been out for the whole day nevermind at school. With wide, panicky eyes, you looked at Jughead who placed an arm around your shoulder, pulling you into his side. With him by your side, you knew it was going to be okay. He walked you through the front doors and you were hit with a sense of familiarity. It made you smile but at the same time scared the crap out of you because you couldn’t remember so many of the faces you were seeing. The two of you happily walked over to your little squad who were crowding around one of their lockers.

“Hi, guys!” You smiled, focusing on each of their faces as you so desperately tried to remember their names.

“Oh my god, (Y/N), it’s so good to see you back,” the raven haired girl squealed as she threw her arms around you in a bone crunching hug.

“Thank you….” you looked over to Jug who was stood behind her now, mouthing her name to you. “Veronica!”

She pulled away smiling at you letting the others greet you. The only time you messed up the names was confusing Kevin for Archie which they all thought was hilarious causing Jughead to sarcastically come up with the comment “maybe we should just all wear name tags” to which you playfully shoved his shoulder away. The playful touch and laugh coming from you made him smile so big - probably the biggest you’d seen. It looked good on him, you liked it and made a note to try and get him to smile like that more often.

The rest of the weeks passed by pretty similar. You were starting to remember people more and more as the days went on which was making your life easier. The main thing was that the more time you were spending with Jughead you were starting to get you these feelings that you weren’t really sure about. It felt like you’d felt them before but you couldn’t and didn’t understand why. Not only did he make you feel safe and like everything would be okay, he also made your heart beat faster when his arm was around you or when he smiled. Especially when he smiled. When he smiled it was like the sadness you saw in his eyes was gone and he was just a carefree teenage boy like he should be. If you could only see one thing for the rest of your life it would be Jughead Jones’ smile.

As your memory was starting to get better, you were starting to remember more things - your old order at Pop’s, your favourite place to study, why you hated Cheryl Blossom; just little things like that. While Jughead was so, so happy that you were starting to remember things he so badly wanted you to turn around and just tell him you loved him again. He wanted you to remember how you felt, how happy he made you but little did he know that you knew how happy he made you. It wasn’t that you could remember from the old days but being around him made you so happy it was unexplainable.

It wasn’t until one night you were hanging out with him when you finally realised everything.

“I love this movie,” you grinned, leaning on Jughead’s shoulder as the two of you sat on your bed watching (Y/F/M).

“I know you do. Do you know how many times I’ve had to sit through this just for you?” He playfully rolled his eyes.

“Like our third date when you shut down the whole drive in, decked it out in fairy lights and played it on the big screen for me. I think that’s my favourite time.”

Jughead bolted up, staring at you with wide eyes. “You...you remember?”

With a sheepish smile on your face, you nodded your head. “Ummm. I remember that night and...um, the other night I remembered something else but I can’t really remember it completely but I remembered it so I wrote it down.”

As you were talking you leaned over beside your bed, reaching down in the gap and pulling out a notebook. You handed it to Jughead. He looked at you curiously almost like he was scared until you flashed him a warm smile and with baited breath, he opened it. You watched his eyes light up, the sadness you’d seen almost vanishing in an instant at what he saw.

I love Jughead and he loves me.

It was scribbled in your messy handwriting along with other things about Jughead that you remembered on red sticky notes. It wasn’t much just the odd date here and there, things he liked but it was a way for you to keep remembering.

“I love you, Jughead. I’m sorry that I didn’t realise it sooner or that I still don’t fully remember everything yet but I love you,” you spoke quietly, playing around with your hands nervously as you waited for him to speak. The silence seemed almost deafening but then that smile you loved so dearly showed up on his face.

“I would’ve waited forever for you, I hope you know that. You’re stuck with me, (Y/N). With or without a memory, I’m always going to be by your side. I love you. I always have and I always will and there is not a thing in this world that can stop me from loving you,” he placed the book down, cupping your face and running his thumb along your cheek. His words were so soft, so pure and you knew that no matter what you were never going to forget that Jughead Jones was the most incredible person you’d ever met in your life.

#jughead jones #jughead x reader #jughead jones x reader #jughead imagine #riverdale imagine #*

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aspenflower17 · 4 years ago

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Finding You (Part Seven of ??)

Hello again everyone! Hopefully you’re all having a good day! Before we get started today, I wanted to mention that I think Tumblr is messing with my tags. If you guys on my tag list can tell me down below if you got the notification about Part 6 last week, I would greatly appreciate it :)

That taken care of, let’s continue. This update is shorter than normal, but I’m planning on having another shorter update out sometime this next week, as well as my normal sized update. As always, the link for Part 1 is below, and Part 6 for anyone who missed it.

Part One Part Six

Tags (that better work!): @simpingforsatan @naimena @wrathandgreed @magi-minminxiii @rensphilia

Satan/F!Mc

Word Count: 1,413

Trigger warnings: yelling

“I think we need to discuss your behavior yesterday,” Lucifer announced, breaking the uneasy silence that had dominated breakfast. Every eye turned to Satan.

Satan said nothing in response, continuing to pick at his food in silence. The fourth born was in a foul mood and no one had said anything to him all morning. Mammon had also been uncharacteristically silent and Lucifer had seemed… careful. Up until now however.

“I cannot simply stand idly by without addressing what happened last night.”

Satan continued to ignore the eldest, though his stabbing got more violent, and the area surrounding him was getting darker.

“Ummm, Lucifer, I don’t think-” Beel began, but Lucifer interrupted him.

“There are a long list of demons who want you banned from that gallery space permanently for the stunt you pulled yesterday,” and then turning to Mammon, who shrunk down in his seat, “And you. Flying in the gallery? I asked you to behave yourself and not-”

“Have you told them?” Satan’s voice was low, but it rang out across the dining room as if he had shouted. His immediate vicinity was pitch black at this point. His horns were curling through his hair and when he looked up, his eyes were glowing, “Have you told everyone at this table? Or were you just keeping me out of the loop?”

Lucifer and Satan began their stare down, until Asmo interrupted, “Told us what?” Satan turned to Asmo, and the look on his face almost made Asmo shrink back a bit in fear, but he repeated, “Tell us what?”

“Satan, don’t you-”

“Mc is here. In the Devildom,” and then looking straight at Lucifer, “As an angel.”

Everything stopped. No one moved as the news sunk in. Oddly enough, it was Levi who finally spoke, “H-H-Hold on. M-Mc?”

Satan responded, still keeping direct eye contact with Lucifer, “I heard her last night over the intercom.”

Lucifer was glaring at this point, “You must have been-”

“Mammon confirmed it.”

Everyone looked over to Mammon, who was gone.

“That little-”

“Don’t you DARE PUNISH HIM, WHEN YOU LIED TO US!” Satan was in full demon form at this point, his power oozing across the table, “WITHOUT MAMMON LAST NIGHT, THERE WOULD HAVE A LOT MORE PROBLEMS THAN THERE WAS!”

“Is it true Lucifer?” Beel was staring at Lucifer with sad puppy dog eyes.

“Satan wouldn’t lie about this,” Belphie said, his tail swishing around behind him, looking at Lucifer with absolute disgust.

Lucifer was now glaring at all the questioning eyes around the table, “This is not the time nor the place to discuss this. I need to-”

“You’re just going to leave?! After that bombshell?!” Levi’s voice was threatening to crack as he stood up, eyes wide, “My Henry is… a-alive,” his voice did crack on the word and his eyes were misty, “The one normie who understood me, and you didn’t think I would want to know this information?!”

“Of course he didn’t,” Belphie growled, his horns out, “This is the demon who would lock his own brother up in the attic. What does he care about us?”

“You wanted to keep her all for yourself, didn’t you?” Asmo shouted, tears rolling down his face.

“Does Lord Diavolo know about this?” Beel asked, still seeming to try to come to terms with what he just heard, brow furrowed.

“I really think we should all-” A plate went flying at Lucifer’s face, followed by a cup and a bowl.

“You think we should all do what? Submit to you just because you're the oldest? Forget that you kept the knowledge about Mc all to yourself? Rejoice that, again, you decided what’s best for all of us?”

Lucifer’s face went completely blank at that last line, Satan’s implied meaning not lost on him, “Enough. I am not discussing this any further.”

“You weren’t discussing it with us in the first place! Do you think I’m an idiot or something? Do you think we’re all idiots? Is that why you treat us the way you do?” Satan shouted at Lucifer as he left the room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“How hard is it to find one angel among a world of demons?” Satan asked, not for the first time since he had started searching. After he had screamed at Lucifer, he had left the house, and started his search. If Mc was still in the Devildom, he was going to find her. He had been pretty optimistic about his chances of finding her when he started, knowing he had a really extensive network of acquaintances. Surely one of them would know where to find her.

Satan had now been out for three days trying to track her down, and was no closer to finding her than when he had first started. Anyone who had gone to the art show only questioned him on why he had been running and laughed when he said he had wanted to be at the center, wondering why he’d be so interested in an angel that he had broken custom. No one seemed to have recognized her as Mc, though he knew some of them had met her. He had introduced them himself. No one had any pictures of the artist in question and the page that she had posted his artist talk on had been taken down.

He entered an open area, sinking down on a bench, “Could I have misinterpreted Mammon? Is it not actually Mc?” he sighed into the open air around him. A soft wind was the only response. Satan sighed, lowering his head into his hands, “If I was wrong though, I don’t think Lucifer would have reacted the way he did. Mammon also slunk off to who knows where, and he wouldn’t have unless he was in trouble. It’s almost like she died again and everyone’s trying to keep me from finding out.” The soft scent of MoonBeam Flowers wafted through the air, “I didn’t know they grew around here,” Satan muttered, breathing in deeply, sinking into a memory.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Oh! Satan! This one’s so pretty!” Mc grinned, running over to stare at the blooms, “Oh, and they smell so good too!”

Satan chuckled, “Don’t let my brothers hear you say that.”

“Why?”

“Well, these flowers are caused by angel feathers. They’re everywhere in the Celestial Realm, especially during molting season, so much so they’re basically a weed. The ones in the Celestial Realm smell a lot like roses, while the ones down here have a lot… darker and deeper of a scent. It’s still florally, but it’s got a lot more musk.

“When my brother’s and Lilith fell, their feathers scattered through the air as they lost their wings. Those feathers then landed and sprouted these flowers throughout the Devildom. All the colors are colors of the moon, and there’s one for each of them. Black is Lucifer’s, gold Mammon, yellow Levi, light pink Asmo, orange Belphie and red Beel. Every so often, one of my feathers will fall, and those are white. Lilith’s were blue, but Beel and Belphie picked them all to put bouquets on her grave. Lucifer was going to have them all eradicated, but Diavolo liked them, especially the black ones, so here they remain.”

Mc looked at the blooms with new reverence, “Are there more black than any other color?”

“Yes, since he still has feathers.”

“Is it hard for your brothers to see the flowers?”

“I’m not sure if it’s worse seeing them for Asmo, Mammon and Beel since their wings transformed or Levi and Belphie since they lost their wings completely.”

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“How do you feel about them?”

“I don’t have much feeling one way or another about my flowers. They simply are.”

“... Do you miss flying?” Mc’s voice was small, worried she’s stepped into territory she wasn’t allowed in.

“I guess, in a way, though I have never owned a pair of wings. I have memories of flight, but I myself have never flown of my own volition, so… I guess the answer is no.”

The conversation moved on from there, until they reached the end of the botanical garden, “I have a new favorite flower,” Mc announced.

“Which one? It’s still the mirage flower, isn’t it?”

“Nope.”

“What is it then?”

“MoonBeam Flowers of course, though the white ones are a particular favorite,” she winked, grinning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Satan was so caught up in his memory, he didn’t hear the hesitant footsteps as they approached him.

“Satan?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Part Seven and a Half

#finding you #obey me #obey me!#obey me! swd #obey me satan #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me levi #obey me beel #obey me belphie #obey me asmodeus #obey me asmo #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me mc #obey me f!mc #my writing #obey me long fic

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